Skins of Lies

Skins of Lies

(1)

"Hi. Good morning."

"Morning. How are you doing?"

"I hope it's a good time to have some discussion." 

"No time is a good time to have a discussion on our divorce, Kaushik."

"Come on, Preeti. Isn't it something that we both had agreed on?"

"We sure did. That's what makes it super weird. Doesn't it?"

"Oh, Preeti! You and your twisted sense of philosophy! Come to the point. What are you suggesting?"

"Come on, Kaushik. Do you even remember our University days?"

"I see where this conversation is going. You're going to blame this whole thing on me, won't you?"

"Oh, Kaushik! You and your ability to interpret the meanings! Tell me one thing. How could a beautiful and intelligent lady like Jenny fall for this package? I feel for her, like honestly."

"You're going to divert the entire conversation to this, aren't you? Let's do it your way, then! What do you want to discuss about? What is the thing that I haven't been honest with you yet? "

"That Jenny had never loved you. And that you had never fallen for her anyway. And that you had lied to me about her because you were too scared to talk about the real problem."

"Let me stop you right there, Preeti."

"You could never stop me, Kaushik. Let's not try that today. Let me give you two choices. Either let me ask you the right questions and please answer them honestly or let's discuss about the formalities of our divorce and get this thing over with."

"Preeti! Preeti! Preeti!"

"You know you can disconnect the phone and we can let our lawyers take care of the mess. And to be honest, we are paying them hefty amount for this shit."

"You have not changed a bit, have you?"

"Not a bit, husband. Oh sorry, am I still entitled to call you my husband?"

"I don't know. Maybe we should pull our lawyers in this call and find out?

"Wow! On point, mate! I must say I'm impressed. Are you taking classes to improve your sense of humour? I mean I'm away and you must have some spare time to..."

"Preeti, what are we doing? We were supposed to talk..."

"About our divorce. I know. But I am enjoying this conversation. It's been long since we have experienced something like this."

"I suppose it's true. Maybe since Maya was born..."

"So, you're going to blame this on our child? Do you even know how is she doing? When is the last time you talked to her in person or at least, on the phone?"

"Yesterday. When did you talk to her the last time, though? She misses you; you know!"

"I'm sorry, Kaushik. I went a little overboard with it. Just went with the flow, I guess."

"Preeti?"

"Say it."

"You wanted me to be honest. You were right all along. I was so scared all this time that I could not accept the truth. I did not have it in me to..."

"To admit that your male ego is poking its filthy nose to dampen our relationship."

"You can name it as you wish. I did what I thought was right."

"Look at you, justifying your poor act! You didn't even have any feelings for Jenny. You had to go full drunk in that party, cry like a teenage boy, talk about our fragile relationship and then hold her hands..."

"Wait a minute! How on earth did you manage to..."

"Oh, Kaushik. We are women. We manage to get hold of relevant information whenever we wish to. Didn't you attend Professor Bagchi's classes at the University properly?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. How does it matter anyway? Since one cat is out of the hat..."

"What do you mean by one cat? How many cats do you have in that hat?"

"I had only one and that's out now. But your cat is still hiding."

"What do you mean?"

"You have not been honest with me either. Have you?"

"I don't know what you are saying."

"Come on, Preeti Chauhan! Why did you not care to inform your husband that you were not ready yet to be a mother?"

"What? I mean, how? Where did you get piece of information from?"

"Your big brother, Avinash. You should have known. Me and Avinash were best friends in the college."

"I didn't even inform Avinash. He must have heard about it from our mother. I had to tell her, Kaushik. I could have hidden it from the world, but not her. You, of all people, should know this."

"Pardon me for my hearing problem. Did you just say sorry?"

"Yes, I'm sorry. I should have told you, but I was scared too. This feeling of guilt, a sense of betrayal, was swallowing me whole. I tried to tell you thousand times, but I could not. I wasn't prepared for that kind of conversation."

"But you are, now. How patiently did you wait for me to make one small mistake!"

"You make me laugh, Kaushik Bose. It was not a mistake; it was a choice. You acted like a victim and tried to gain sympathy for a misery that you were not going through."

"I'm sorry, Preeti. I had no clue that she was going to kiss me."

"Look at the state of you! You are still boasting of that incident. Do you understand what you did was morally unforgivable."

"And yet, my wife, my Mother Teresa, forgave me."

"I didn't. I saw how miserable men can be when someone, specially their wife, hurts their ego. What did I say to you, mister? I said you were being forgetful, you were losing your charm, you were getting fat and unattractive. And it was enough. You found a reason to play your victim card."

"It wasn't just one isolated incident, Preeti. You made me scrutinize my choices everyday. I was starting to question my masculinity. I was beginning to realise that I could never be a decent father or a decent husband. When in truth, it was you who was not ready to be a parent."

"I know. And I'm sorry for that."

"Why did you not stop me?"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"You knew what was happening all this time. Why did you not stop me from making that mistake? Instead you kept pushing me towards the edge. Wait a minute, you wanted me to fall. Didn't you?"

"Since we are playing truth or dare today, let me be honest with you. Initially I did not want you to fall. I was annoying you to piss you off. I wanted to spend some me time to figure out the situation. I knew you loved me, but I had to be sure that I was prepared enough to be a mother. At first, I was having fun to irritate you but then it became a bad habit. I knew you were not having an affair. But I was genuinely not aware of the fact that you were suffering from insecurity."

"At first I thought you were teasing me. Then you crossed the line and dared me to have an extramarital affair."

"And you obliged that. Such an obidient partner you turned out to be! Who would have known!"

"It was just a couple of kisses!"

"You think I was hurt because of those two kisses? You really don't know anything about women, do you?"

"Why were you pissed off, then?"

"I was hurt because your male ego was so shallow. I was hurt because you had to go out of your way to Impress another woman. I was hurt because you had to lie to me about the whole incident. I was hurt because you, of all people, did not deny the false charges that I tagged on you."

"Fantastic! Well played, Preeti. How did it feel when you logged false charges on my name?"

"It felt terrible. But I felt I had to do something about it. I knew that you two were not having any affair. I knew you two did not even have feelings for each other. I knew you had to get super drunk to get out of your senses and talk to Jenny about our failed married life. You had to lie about a lot of things so that you could gain her sympathy. And then appeared your final act. You had to lean on her and kiss on her lips and apologize for your behaviour. Well played, indeed! She was super drunk as well. Afterall it was professor Rawat's housewarming party in Greater kailash, booze was there in abundance. Anyway, she felt sorry for you and kissed you back. Then she consoled you by holding your hands said everything was going to be ok. Now tell me, Mr. Kaushik Bose, Associate Professor at the Department of Psychology, University of Delhi, who outplayed who in this game?"

"I'm still no match for you, Mrs. Preeti Chauhan, Associate professor at the Department of Economics, University of Delhi, when it comes to games. You planted the seed, you helped it grow. But why did you have to do all this to get rid of me? You could have asked for a divorce right away and maybe you should have."

"Do you even hear yourself? I was pregnant with Maya during that time. And imagine what I was going through. My husband was more cautious to prove his masculinity than to remember his responsibilities. He was so busy portraying his charm and appeal to a woman who merely cared for him that he forgot he had one woman carrying his child in her womb."

"It is that same woman who didn't even want to be a mother but didn't bother to inform her husband. It's the same woman who kept pushing her husband towards the edge needlessly. It's the same woman who kept questioning her husband's masculinity every day. It's the same woman who forgot that her child was as precious to her husband as she was to her. For god's sake, Preeti. You had her moved to a boarding school without having informed me, her father."

"It's the same father who accepted the false allegations against him to show the world that he was an attractive male. It's the same father who wanted his wife to believe that he could sleep with another woman. It's the same father who couldn't care less about his wife when she was pregnant with his child."

"Conceded. So, we both agree that we have been terrible parents."

"Oh hello, mister! We both agree that you have been a terrible parent."

"Preeti, remember that accident?"

"Which accident?"

"The one you met with when you were like, 4 or 5 months pregnant?"

"Of course I do, I was getting out of the car and lost my balance, probably due to low blood sugar or something..."

"And you fell down."

"Yeah, that! I'm sorry. Why are we having this discussion now?"

"Do you remember any other occasion where you did not wait for me to come out of the car and unlock the front door at your side?"

"I guess not! I mean, I don't even remember. We have known each other since we were students at the university. There must have been occasions when I did something like that. I'm going to ask you once again..."

"And what happened after two weeks since that accident?"

"What has gotten to you? Why are you asking questions that are not relevant? Forget about relevance, how on earth am I supposed to remember something as negligible as that?"

"You told me, out of the blue, that Dr. Saraswat was not making you comfortable with his treatment. We switched to a different gynecologist altogether after that day. We started consulting Dr. Mehra."

"Now I remember. You're right. Dr. Saraswat was very uptight and methodical in his way to treat patients. That's why I was not being able to ask silly questions, you know, or at least ask for some unorthodox suggestions or request for breaking some rules for diet or sleep for a day or two. You know he was really unapproachable..."

"It's ok, at least you tried."

"Come to the point. Phone's battery must be running out."

"I must say I'm surprised. For a mother who went for an abortion..."

"Wait, what?"

"You heard and understood it right. You decided to abort our child all by yourself. You went for a checkup alone and requested Dr. Saraswat if it can be done. He had your entire body tested. You already had an existing infection at your cervix, another news I was kept unaware of. He advised to not go for an abortion, especially when you were already 4+ months pregnant. This was mere one week before you attempted for that planned accident. Even then you could've informed me. We could have talked that through and decided something mutually. But no, you had your own ego driving you crazy. You chose to act in a negative manner. You made up a story on Dr. Saraswat and we went on to consult Dr. Mehra. So Preeti, you heard it right. For a mother who went for an abortion, that too, having not informed her husband, it's difficult to forget the events that she herself is responsible for."

"So, you knew all this. Since when? And how? And why did you not confront me in the past?"

"You amaze me, Preeti. You really do. I was waiting for the right time. Sadly, it never appeared."

"Every time is a right time to have a discussion your wife who is planning to have an abortion, having not informed you..."

"Wow! Did you just try to blame this thing on me as well?"

"I most certainly did not. I have been a terrible person, a failed wife who could not be honest with you, a failed mother who could not be a decent parent to our child. I had her sent to the boarding school in Nainital so that I could get some time to think about our future, so that I could talk to you about the whole thing. But unfortunately I never got prepared to talk about it."

"I don't even know what to say."

"Say something, anything."

"Why did you even wait for four months or so to attempt for an abortion?"

"I don't know. I guess I was trying to figure out..."

"Stop lying, Preeti. You are not even half decent at it."

"You were right. We have not been good parents. But let me ask you something. If we could sit together somewhere one more time, be brutally honest with each other and then decide if we can give ourselves another shot, would you be ready for it? For our Maya's sake?"

"Maybe."

"Kaushik, you don't have to be forced into this. If you don't feel like having a face to face conversation, you should say that out loud now."

"You know what? Let's do this. Let's meet somewhere, somewhere we have never been to. Maybe that is what we need right now. A fresh start, maybe?"

"I like it. A fresh start, huh? Let's do this. Text me the details. Let's do this, Kaushik. For our Maya's sake."

"For our Maya's sake."

"Maybe we should hang up now. I don't even remember the last time we had talked over the phone for this long."

"That's the thing with the privileges, Preeti. When they're there, we don't appreciate them enough."

"I will wait for your text."

"Noted and appreciated. Bye, Preeti. Take care."

"Bye, Kaushik. You take care, too."

(2)

"Cafe Green, huh?"

"The reviews were pretty good."

"Taste of our food better be good."

"Momos?"

"Good old shortcut to my heart."

"You love them. Don't you?"

"I do. Momos are one prime reason we were together for so long..."

"Well, technically, we still are. Let me order our food first...Hi brother, can you please take our orders?"

"Are you feeling hungry?"

"Not really. But I'm in for Momos 24*7."

"Guys are incorrigible, aren't they? They

have two states, either hungry or horny."

"Wow. Stereotyping at its best!"

"Can you deny?"

"Sometimes they are just hurt."

"Interesting. Noted."

"Let me break the ice."

"How would you like to start the discussion?"

"Your mom, she never wanted us to get married, did she?"

"Quite an offensive start to say the least."

"I thought we are going to be honest today."

"No, you are right. Let's start with my mom. Your Momos are here by the way."

"They are yours as well. Would you like to have some tea after this?"

"Obviously! Brother, we'll have two large cups of milk tea, one extremely strong, filled with loads of ginger, cinnamon, green cardamom and cloves, and another one should be milder, loaded with ginger only. And wait, none of us like our tea sweet. So please be careful with sugar cubes. Thank you so much."

"Quite a detailed list of requirements. I'm impressed with the fact that you still remember my choice of tea."

"Really? That's the catch line you are going to use on your wife?"

"I try."

"Okay, Romeo. Coming back to your mother-in-law being not able to accept you. As far as I know, she used to like you. But the day she came to know that we were dating, she wasn't the same anymore."

"Okay. But why?"

"Man, they really make good Momos. Good choice, husband!"

"What???"

"Don't act like you are not savouring them."

"Come on, Preeti!"

"The Chutney and the Soup are also delicious. Would you mind if I order another plate of Momos? Let's try some other flavor. Shall we try the pan-fried version? Wait a minute. Why are you making that weird face, husband?"

"Even after all these years, I feel like I don't know you."

"Which is a good thing, isn't it?"

"Sometimes."

"Coming back to the topic I skipped. My mom is modern on the outside but conservative on the inside. Inter-caste marriage, Kaushik. She could never be happy about it."

"Even after all this years?"

"Yep. There was another thing. Since we are being honest today...Excuse me, brother? We'll have a plate of Pan Fried Momos, please be generous with using green chillies."

"And also, maybe, please check if you can delay our order for tea till, we're done with our Pan-fried Momos?"

"So, where were we?"

"So, let me get this straight. You knew about your mom's disapproval all this time and didn't bother to let me know?"

"I had my reasons. Apparently, People from Bengal are too open-minded for her liking. To be honest, you had your fair share of lady friends in the University. My mom always feared that eventually you'd leave me for some snob Bengali girl. Your parents were far more liberal. They were far more supportive of our relationship. They had love marriage and to be honest, that played a huge part in their thought process. My mom considered you a family member, treated you like her child. But she could never accept you as a son-in-law."

"And your father?"

"You know my father. He only cares about one thing, his research. He was not much bothered about our relationship. He actually thought we'd make a great couple."

"But tell me, Preeti. Why are we having this discussion after ten years of knowing each other?"

"Because it never mattered to me."

"You know I never considered myself a Bengali. I always thought I was a Delhiite. I was not raised as a Bengali either, apart from having "Luchi Alur dom" on Durgashtomi or wearing "Punjabi Paijama" on Saraswati Puja. My mother told me that I was 2 years old when we moved to CR Park. We have our fair share of relatives in West Bengal and we do visit them occasionally but that's about it. I can't even remember the streets of Kolkata. You know the directions of the streets of North Kolkata are too difficult to..."

"I have a question. Why do you guys, I mean people from Bengal, always move to CR Park in Delhi? I mean there are other places too."

"I guess you had asked me about it in the past as well. I don't have an answer to your question, to be honest. Traditionally it just has been like that only."

"Be thankful to your parents. You wouldn't have met me if they didn't choose to move to CR Park."

"I know. I used to consider myself fortunate. But at what point, Preeti, did you decide to cheat on me?"

"What the hell?"

"We're in a relationship for four years before we chose to tie knots. I want to know at what moment you thought it was okay to cheat on your husband."

"What are you..."

"No, don't interrupt me today. Let me finish. You'll have your say. I understand I may not have learnt to be a decent husband. I understand I may not have lived up to your expectations. But I have always tried to make you happy. I may have failed to satisfy you, either sexually or emotionally, or maybe intellectually or I don't even know how..."

"What the fuck is the name of the drug that you're on?"

"You know what happened to me when I found out that you were having an affair with Professor Rawat? It completely broke me. And you know why? Because I didn't know why you did what you did. I didn't know what I lacked. I tried to ask you hundred times, but you wouldn't listen. You'd divert the topic, you'd shout at me, you'd try to demoralise me. Why did you do all this?"

"I..I.."

"Don't fucking stammer now, Preeti. Now is the time for you to be honest. Now I know why you did what you did. Whenever you used to look at me, you saw your guilt. You didn't know what to do with that. You had to channelise your guilt in such a manner that everything could seem alright. You were pretty sure by then that you were going to file a divorce. But you had to have a reason. So, you planted a seed. You tried to trigger my insecurities so that I could fall. And you bet I did. I fell down so hard that filing a divorce, by then, was just a formality."

"I am sorry."

 "Now that you're sorry, what can I do? Shall I dance and let the whole world know that my wife had failed me when I needed her the most? Why did you marry me if you didn't like me? Or did your love get lost somewhere within our first year of marriage?"

"You are absolutely right. I have failed you. Maybe not just you, I have failed both of our families. I might sound unapologetic, but the guilt is there. I have been always been terrible in relationships. You know why I chose you? Among all the guys, you were the only one who didn't seem desperate. I was in a relationship with Nikhil when you asked me out on a date..."

"I know that. Even Avinash was taken aback when you agreed to go on a date with me."

"Do you know why I dumped Nikhil?"

"I don't know. You tell me."

"He wanted us to get married..."

"Wait, what? You just dumped your boyfriend because he wanted you to get married?"

"Yes. I was not prepared then, and you seemed cool and all..."

"What the fuck, Preeti? So, you did not like me in the first place. You know what? I think we should just leave..."

"What's the hurry? Oh, our Momos are here."

"Oh, I see. Momos are the only thing that's keeping us here."

"I did eventually start liking you after a year or so."

"Thank you very much for showering your love on me. May I know why you agreed to get married when I..."

"Because I loved you, Kaushik. I honestly did. And I love you. Just that I am not good at relationships, or having kids or being a decent wife..."

"You loved me and still went on to have an affair with Professor Rawat?"

"Yes. I know it's hard to explain but I was getting bored. When I said you were losing your charm, maybe you weren't. Maybe it was me who got bored with your charm. And it might sound ridiculous, but even when I was having sex with Ravi, I mean Professor Rawat, I knew in my mind that I loved you."

"Go on."

"And eventually I lost my precious connection with you. We started fighting. It was all on me, but I had to blame it on someone. And then I got pregnant. The worst thing was that I had a child growing inside me and I didn't know who her father was. Ravi knew about it. He advised me that we could opt for an abortion. I was convinced by then that I was not going to give birth to my child under those circumstances."

"And then you waited for me to make one mistake. I eventually did, coincidentally in the same Professor Rawat's..."

"Trust me, I did not ask Jenny or Ravi to plan anything. Whatever happened in that night, it was really just a spontaneous act between you two."

"I know. Somehow Jenny got to know about your affair. She told me about this whole thing when Maya was already born. Even I don't know how I would have acted if told me about all this on that night itself."

"So, you knew about everything. It's been more than 5 years, Kaushik. Why did you not charge me for any of this?"

"I was hoping that someday you'd come up to me and tell me about everything."

"I thought I would, too. But I guess it was too hard to find words..."

"Why did you wait for 4 years to file a divorce?"

"Mostly because of Avinash, my big brother, your best friend in the college. He kept saying that you could never have done something like this and that I had made a blunder…”

"And also, you expected Professor Rawat to come and save you from this mess. He was already divorced by the time he arranged the housewarming party. But he never showed up at your door. He could not just gather courage and..."

"Please don't embarrass me anymore, Kaushik. I'm pretty sure I had no feelings for him but somehow, I kept getting attracted to him. I can't explain but..."

"You can. He must have been very good in bed." 

"You can pretty much see through me now. How did you change so much, Kaushik? How did you become so wise?"

"Wounds are funny, you know. Some of them break you while some of them make you."

"Right. I never got to know how you managed to convince Avinash to take care of Maya?"

"He never liked the idea of keeping Maya at a Home, even for a few hours a day. I'm being generous here. He fucking hated it. It's him who appeared as a saviour and approached me, to take care of Maya, till we manage to sort things out. Sadly, that never happened."

"I know. I'm glad that he got married to Janvi, she's so understanding in nature. They take very good care of our Maya. I don't know if we could have taken any better care of her if she was with us."

"We couldn't have."

"What's next for us? I totally understand that it's not possible for you to accept me..."

"I don't know about that, Preeti. You know, my mom really liked you. Don't worry, no one knows about the whole thing, not even Avinash. I may not be a good husband, but I'm still a good friend. I have always been a keeper. Anyway, she still likes you. She thinks I've become a better person after meeting you. And it might sound ridiculous, but I think you do make me a better person."

"You make me a better person too, Kaushik."

"Maybe we should take a rain check on this whole thing?"

"What are you suggesting?"

"Maybe it's better that we take some time, a week maybe, to think this through, we tell our lawyers to wait before making any move, go and meet Maya together and then..."

"You still love me, Kaushik. You poor thing!"

"I do. See, our tea is here as well."

"I love you too."

(3)

"They make a really good couple, don't they?"

"You bet they do."

"We make a pretty lousy couple, don't we?"

"Oh, husband! You just took the words out of my mouth."

"Remember the day I asked you out on a date for the first time?"

"How can I forget that you started sweating on a chilly afternoon in the month of January in Delhi?"

"You're such an expert in exaggerating stuff."

"So, you say! By the way, when was the last time we visited the Bengaluru Airport?"

"Interesting question. Your brother got married after one year of our marriage. We visited them couple of times after that. So, it must be late 2015 or early 2016..."

"You don't remember anything, do you? Remember we went to Pondicherry in 2017, apparently to reignite our relationship. It only worsened our bonding, but you should agree that the trip was awesome."

"I do. And the reason we're having this discussion is that we had a one stop flight scheduled to return to New Delhi airport. That stop was this, Kempegowda International Airport."

"Bingo. So, what were you saying? We still have half an hour before this stupid flight takes off."

"I was saying that I had to gather a lot of courage before asking you out on a date. I had to prepare a good opening line, polish my gestures, and most importantly, I had to have a backup plan ready, in case the original one didn't work."

"What was your back up plan, mister?"

"It was a very stupid plan, even for a backup. If you had turned down my proposal, I would've bought you a gift on the next day and maybe asked you out again, a bit more politely?"

"Come on, husband. You really thought a mere gift could have changed my decision? Anyway, I should have turned you down the first time then. I had missed out on a gift. That sucks."

"That hurts. But the point is I was scared, the night before, and on that very day as well. I didn't know what to do or how to react if you had rejected my proposal. But the situation turned out to be uncomplicated. You didn't even take much time to answer."

"Oh hello, I agreed to go on a date, not to spend a lifetime with you then."

"I know. But I had imagined the same conversation to turn out very differently. I didn't even expect you to accept my proposal in such a manner. In my head, it was a victory, earned too easily. Sometimes when you want something with all your heart and get that without having to sweat, you tend to get complacent. Maybe that's that happened with me. I got you too easily. Maybe, at times, I took you for granted."

"I know. But I don't blame you for this. In a way I deserved every bit of it. And the funny thing is I don't even feel the kind of remorse I'm expected to."

"And I don't feel the kind of betrayal I'm expected to. It's funny how we were married for 6 years."

"We still are."

"Oh, crap! I keep forgetting this simple thing. We have been too busy stitching our own wounds that we forgot to pay attention to our most precious belonging, our child."

"I know. I have been a terrible parent."

"Me too."

"Your parents were never fond of me, were they?"

"Maybe not, I might have lied to you the other day..."

"I know. What were you thinking? 

"They thought you were too career oriented for their liking. I had tried to..."

"They were right though. I am a person who gets bored with her personal or professional life easily. I crave for changes at every step. I shouldn't have married you, or anyone for that matter."

"I think we both could have been a little more kind to each other."

"Yep. Especially when you knew you feared having children, you tried to implant your insecurity on me. By the time I was pregnant, your parents were pretty much convinced that I was not going to be a decent parent. You started highlighting the smallest of mistakes I made. You had to maintain your perfect image. So, the bad influence in our courtship was going to be me. Am I right, mister?"

"So, it wasn't just me finding out dirty secrets."

"How could I have let you have all the fun alone? We were supposed to be partners in crime, remember?"

"So, let me get this straight. All this time, we both were aware of our faults, our insecurities, our betrayals and still we didn't even try to confront each other for once."

"All this time."

"Maybe we both wanted us to fail. Maybe we were only interested to build the house of the cards, not to keep the house safe."

"You went to Dr. Saraswat's chamber and found out that I had lied to you."

"You were there at the housewarming party of professor Rawat."

"You knew that I was having an extramarital affair."

"You knew that I was scared to be a parent."

"You knew that my mother did not approve of our marriage."

"You knew that my parents had always doubted you."

"You knew that I was messing with you."

"You knew that I burdened you with my insecurity."

"You knew that I was going to be a horrible parent."

"And you knew that I was going to be no less."

"And still we waited."

"Because we knew that the first one to ring the bell, loses the game."

"You certainly won this game. I'm sorry I don't have a medal or something."

"And yet I don't feel like a winner."

"Maybe in the end, you have learnt to love the most precious belonging of yours. Maybe, you’re sad because you couldn’t keep hold of her."

"But I haven't learnt how to protect it, nurture it or even help it understand its own worth."

"Maybe, someday you will."

"Maybe, someday you will, too."

"It's almost time, husband. It's boarding time."

"Time flies."

"In 15 minutes or so, we will fly, too."

"Come on, how can you act like nothing happened? We are getting separated, for fuck's sake!"

"When in crisis, crack a joke."

"That was a sick joke."

"Still a joke. Anyway, we'll still be friends, right? But no sex, remember our pact?"

"Come on, will you ever change?"

"Nope. But know this, sometimes two things just don't fit together, not because they are not meant to be but because they are both better off staying away from each other."

"Maybe next time, use our names instead of some torn out philosophy?"

"Cool. So, what's next, Kaushik? Have you thought of marrying Jenny? Remember though, I'll keep stalking you both. You two do look good together."

"I will pretend that I did not hear any of this. But tell me, are we doing the right thing?"

"We certainly are not doing the obvious wrong thing."

"She'll understand, won't she?"

"I don't know about that, Kaushik. If I were her, maybe I would have never forgiven my parents. I mean it sucks. Doesn't it? You bring someone to the world and then refuse to take the responsibility. I mean how cheap does that sound?"

"But it's still better than showering fabricated love, isn't it?"

"There you go, mate. Sometimes you have to be the bad person in order to..."

"I know, I know. It's me who teaches philosophy in classes. Sometimes I forget that when I'm with you."

"You don't have to worry about that anymore."

"What about you, Preeti? What lies ahead of you?"

"Me? You know I'm an attractive woman. I'll find my way home, some way or the other."

"So maybe, the next time we meet, we'll talk about your new home?"

"Or maybe, we should wait, Kaushik, before we decide to meet again."

"I understand, no hard feelings."

"No, you don't. And I don't. And that's why we are boarding on the same flight to move forward with our lives in two different directions. You understand that, my friend? We need to realise how awful we have been. We need to understand that we have lied to each other so much that we don't even know what truth feels like. It’ll take a lifetime of ours to peel the skins of lies that we built ourselves."

"You are right. We must learn to be honest with ourselves first. Unless we manage to do so, there's no point in meeting each other."

"Oh, husband! Who says you don't get me?"

"It's time to fly, wife. See you on the other side of our journey, conditionally."

"See you soon, conditionally!"

                         ------------||-----------------||----------------||--------------||----------------

A tale of two stars

A tale of two stars

 

A.

No sooner did he enter the set, than the fans started showering applauds. That's the thing with the stars; forget about the superstars like him, Aarmaan Kapoor, the most popular face in the world of Bollywood, the busiest and most charming face of Indian film industry. Fans gather near the set from early morning even if he is supposed to appear during the noon. He agreed to work with a budding director like T. Rao because he liked the script very much. Normally he doesn't work with anyone except top 3 directors of Bollywood at present.

He takes a look at the set carefully. He does that every time. He will always have the final say That's one of the most informal yet important clauses for him to sign the agreement with any director. Perks of being the most popular star, you see!

 

B.

What's this place? Why is he sleeping in a room that he is not familiar with? Where's his mother? There's she. What's she wearing, a torn saree? Has she gone mad or is he having a bad dream? What's wrong with the room? Plasters seem to be moving out of the walls, ceiling and walls are full of dirt and spider nets. It's a typical living room of a lower middle-class Indian family. What's he, the most famous face of Indian cinema in modern times, doing here? His mother seems to be waving her hands at him. He can't see his mother in this attire; he closes his eyes and wishes the nightmare can find a way out as soon as possible.

 

C.

The migraine seems to have got better of his desire and determination. Anyone who knows AK is aware of his unparalleled tenacity and insurmountable will. He always seems to find a way to his quest. But this migraine is turning out to be a worrying sign. This is the third time in a fortnight; he has fainted on the shooting set. The director is deeply concerned because AK is not just any other actor. We are talking about AK. The producer, renowned businessman Mr. S. Bijlani, is pissed because he is the one funding capital to Rao; more re-shooting means more expenses. He is getting a bad feeling that AK might decide to scrap the contract due to his health issues. And if AK quits, there's no way this movie is going to return him anything close to what he has invested so far for it. 

 

D.

Not again! These strange dreams are eating him alive. How on earth can he end up having breakfast with dried and unhygienic pieces of bread in a plate that seems noxious and blood-colored smelly tea in a glass of steel? Where's the special fruit salad that his personal chef prepares for him every morning? Since when has he stopped bothering about putting on extra calories? What's his PA up to? Why hasn't she called him up today? Is it a rest day? Oh, crap! He must be having some issues with his memory. Or is it worse, has he lost his sanity?

 

E.

There you go! Bed sheet as clean as you can literally view the threads, bed as large as it can occupy any average-sized room fully, room as widespread as ballrooms! That's what you call living life to the fullest.

Oh no, his personal phone starts beeping. It's Samita, his PA and an extremely efficient one. He hangs his phone up and listens to the voice message. He got disappointed after hearing the message as it wasn't anything important, she just wanted to know if everything is fine, and she could be of any help now. He was expecting a new contract offer for an upcoming big budget film.

Samita has been calling him up for no real reason, as if she was looking for an excuse to do so. He knows the signs very well. She wants to get intimate with him. She gives off some vibes. No, it’s not that he doesn’t find her attractive. In fact, there had been instances where well-established people who he knows very well, had tried to take her out on dates! But Samita has made it clear that she wants him to ask her out. But here's the thing, he is losing interest in most of the things, he’s feeling tired all the time.

F.

The eye-contact with the doctor is making him uncomfortable. He understands that he is supposed to be undergoing some medical treatment. He is not able to connect the dots. All he remembers now is that he has been having this queer prolonged dizziness. He has also been suffering from loss of memory and getting stand-offish from reality. Images and conversations are appearing as flashbacks in bits and pieces. He vaguely remembers his mother's conversation with him before the doctor's appointment was made. Where is this place? Why is he not able to recognize the place? Oh wait, did they arrive here riding in an auto? They did! Goodness me! He has got 3 cars in his disposal. What's happening? Why is everything looking like the pieces of a familiar jigsaw puzzle, jumbled up in possibly the hardest manner?

 

G.

"Who are you?"

"I'm AK. You know that."

"Oh, I know that. Tell me what you do for a living?"

"Come on! You don't know what Aarmaan Kapoor does for a living?"

"I want to hear it from you."

"I'm an actor, the best in the business."

"Why are you here? Do you know who I am?"

"You are a doctor, probably the best in the business. Otherwise, why would I be sitting in your chamber?"

"Yes, I'm the best. Let's concentrate on our business."

"And what is that?"

"Do you remember how you have reached here?"

"Yes, I remember. I reached here riding on an auto and that bothered me."

"Why is that?"

"Man, I'm Aarmaan Kapoor." -He strokes the doctor's desk in madness for a couple of times. "I have a personal assistant who earns more than most of the ministers in our country and you are asking me why that bothered me?"

Psychiatrist Dr. M Palodhi understands that this patient is a hard nut to track.

 

H.

"Samita, answer the phone, damn it. It's urgent." -He was about to use some sophisticated slang, but he feels a nudge on his shoulder. 

"Get away from me. How dare you enter my room without my consent?" -He turned towards the offender and found her sister, Amisha, shivering in fear. She is no different, anyone would be scared with the look he had on his face and the manner he opted to talk with her.

She wanted to pacify him as he was getting agitated, always living in a trance. But the response from his big brother scared her big time. 

Their mother, Mrs. Hema Kapoor who lost her husband, their father, Mr. Rajveer Kapoor at a very young age, was standing by the door. She lost him not to death, but to a younger lady who hypnotized him with her beauty and destroyed their family. Since then, Mrs. Kapoor had to show a lot of strength and patience. But the present situation is getting out of her hand; she can't watch her son in this manner. She has tried her best, even reached out to her brother, famous orthopedic surgeon in Delhi, Mr. S. Rathore for help. Dr. Rathore advised her to take Armaan to Dr. Palodhi. Things have not improved by any means. Mrs. Kapoor is getting weaker, psychologically, and ofcourse, financially. 

I.

Shooting for the films is strictly prohibited. Aarmaan has had to spend his days lying on the bed. The migraine and the everlasting uneasiness have been keeping him bedridden.

Today is a better day though. People from same profession have come here to see how he is doing. The team includes quite a lot renowned names including number 1 director D. Choudhary, number 2 and 3 actors F. Faisal and C. Kumar respectively, everyone's heartthrob Miss Naina Thakur, Choreographer Mrs. T. Prakash and many more. 

Armaan is feeling good because it's always hard to connect to people when you are at the top but despite that, friends and competitors have come to wish him good health. Everyone is interacting with him and checking on his improvement of health, except Tania Saigal who was supposed to act in the lead role opposite to Aarmaan in the upcoming thriller of D. Choudhary who loves to add fresh faces in his movies. Tania is an extremely talented actor and has proved her worth in several short films on numerous occasions. From the first day Aarmaan met her, he got a feeling that she has fallen for him. That's not an unusual thing by any stretch of imagination, many have fallen for him over the years. Aarmaan doesn't entertain these at all since he got rejected by the gorgeous lady, standing in the same room, none other than Miss Thakur. Aarmaan couldn't believe when she said no, he didn't know until then that someone had the guts to deny AK 's proposal. Anyway, he has moved on.

He would be elated if Sagar came. Sagar Khanna is new face in Bollywood and has been nailing the negative roles to perfection. Aarmaan likes him a lot and treats him like his brother. He's been having this strange feeling of late. How about getting him wed to Amisha, his sister? They look great together, don't they?

J.

"You look better than the last time we met."

"That's due to your medicines, doc. Tell me how long I am going to be under medication?"

"Not much longer. Let's talk about something interesting. Shall we?"

"I am aware of the tricks, doc. You are assuming I'm a psychopath. You want to show the world that I'm mad. Don't you? You want to ruin my career." -Aarmaan got out of his seat in excitement. 

Dr. Palodhi is intelligent enough. He quickly changes the topic- "Tell me about your family."

"My family? You're serious about it?" -He somewhat calmed down.

"The last day, I had a discussion with your mother who should be sitting in the hall right now. She is an epitome of strength. You should know that. Do you know why you're here?"

"I'm said I'm having troubles with my memories. I am having a terrible migraine and stuff. I'm getting mad. Am I not?"-He sat back on his chair.

"No, you're not. You know who you are. You know your problems. You are just not able to accept that. You're acting like a coward and you know that. The abnormalities that you are growing, is not just hurting you but ruining the peace of your family as well. Where's your responsibility? You are the one who is supposed to look after your mother and your sister. You'll have to stop acting and face the reality. You'll not get away like this." 

Dr. Palodhi played in the front foot and it somehow caught Aarmaan off his guard. He wanted to confront with same attacking intent but could not, tears started rolling down his cheek. It lasted for a whole one minute. Then he fainted, right before Dr. Palodhi's eyes.

 

K.

Mrs. Kapoor is staring at the full moon from her bed through the window at night. Sleep won't come and she knows it. How easy would it be to give up! When she fell in love with a struggling businessman, she was only 19. She knew little about the reality. Mr. Kapoor had no family because he was an orphan. Her family wasn't ready to let her marry a stranger who had no family to show for. She fought a lot and she had to. She was thankful to his big brother that day for helping her out and persuading the family to give a nod to her wedding.

Little did she know that the happiness would last for merely 6 years? First 3 years passed happily. Aarmaan happened during that time. They were so happy and content. Then Mr. Kapoor got a breakthrough in a huge business deal and got rich within months. With money comes the desire to earn more money. In no time, he got involved in a relationship with a waitress at a hotel. At first, the whole thing was just a fling. It didn't take much time to take the companionship to bed.

When Mrs. Kapoor got to know about all these, it was already too late. When divorce papers were signed, Mrs. Kapoor didn't want anything from him in return except a living place for the children. Mr. Kapoor gladly accepted this proposal, and he was ready to sacrifice most things to get rid of the apparently meaningless relationship, his failed marriage. He handed over their old home at Old delhi to Mrs kapoor and the children and moved on to the new home at NCR. 

The whole situation left Mrs. Kapoor in disarray. She had no guts to seek help from her parents who she once didn't care to take advise from, when she decided to marry Mr. Kapoor. Her big brother, who has always acted as a shield, helped her immensely that time, both emotionally and financially. 

L.

"How old were you when your father did that?"

"I was 5 year-old kid. I don't remember much about it. All I knew was that my mom had to go out of our home a lot. I wasn't used to that situation until then. After a few years, I came to know that she had to attend court, meet lawyers and also find a job for herself. We weren't poor when my father left but she knew she had to get a job."

"So she started giving tuitions?"

"And sewing. It didn't take long before we got poorer."

"What about your sister?"

"She was a 2-year-old kid when all this started happening. When my mom went out, it was my responsibility to take care of my sister. Can you imagine, doc? A 5-year-old kid having to take care of a 2-year-old kid, that’s insane."

"Did you get to meet your father ever again?"

"I don't know why I keep mentioning him as my father because he didn't do anything that can vouch for his fatherhood. Yes, I met him on several occasions. It didn't change anything. He never loved me nor my sister."

"And what about the woman who was the culprit?"

"I absolutely hated that woman, doc. She took the life out of our family. One day, she even dared to visit our home and regret for having brainwashed my father. What did she expect? Forgiveness? Good behavior? A closure? If I were in my mother's place, I wouldn't even have made the tea that she made for her. As time passed, I learned to understand that my father was the bigger culprit."

Then both stopped talking for a few seconds. Dr. Palodhi was planning the next set of questions whereas Aarmaan got lost in his world of thoughts.

"I understand. Now let's talk about your hobbies. When did you start liking acting?"

"Oh, doc! Since I was 7 or 8, I knew what I wanted the most. We had a small TV back then. My mother wasn't a big supporter of the fact I was becoming addicted to TV but she couldn't help it. We were all she had, and she just couldn't restrict me from doing that."

"And then?"

"Then, what?"

"You know what I am asking. Then what did you do with it? Who did you become?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's simple, Aarmaan. What did you do with your love towards your acting?"

Aarmaan Kapoor's face was turning red. He held his head with both hands. He tried to show grievance but couldn't. Words were at shortage. It took exactly 5 minutes to regain his composure. When he did, the agitation was gone; a sense of regret and shame seemed to have immersed his face.

"Why did you have to do that?" -He could say this, only this.

Dr. Palodhi knew that the resistance is over, the flood is imminent.

M.

Amisha and Abir were loitering outside the main entrance of the Lotus Temple. It is their favorite place in the city. The situation is bit more tensed today. They are getting worried about their future. They were almost certain to get married to each other until her big brother disapproved this. It had to do something about how their father left them. He is not ready to take a risk with his sister's life. He just doesn't care how good a guy Abir is, he will never be ready to be okay with a love marriage.

The whole situation has worsened since he started behaving in a weird manner. She knew he always has had a keen liking towards acting. He has idolized different actors on different occasions. But this is different. He is seemingly living a different identity altogether. He is living a life that no one can connect to. Recently he is talking to an imaginary girl named 'Samita'. Neither she nor their mother has got any clue who she might be. 

She knows Abir for quite a lot of time now, it's been 5 years. She has never seen anything remotely similar in him to what her brother is worried about. She knows anything can happen in future. Things can change in moments. But what's the guarantee anyway? Isn't it better to take a risk with a known face than with a stranger?

N.

Mrs. Kapoor is seating opposite to Dr. Palodhi. Today is a day when the patient is seating outside the chamber in the hall and the guardian of the patient is supposed to have the conversation with the psychiatrist. 

 

"So you think he will be alright?" -She is eager to know where he is now in terms of regaining his sanity.

"He soon will be. But it's your responsibility as well. You can't just escape that. You must admit that you created a distance from your son. You were so busy healing your own wounds that you didn't get enough scope to see your son's."

"But doc? What would I have done? I knew he liked acting. But how would I have allowed him to pursue a Career in acting?"

"You were afraid that one day, he might leave you like his father did?"

"Yes. But did I ask too much?"

"I heard he got a break in theatres. I heard it was you who didn't allow him to travel to Mumbai. I heard that was the chance of his life."

Mrs. Kapoor couldn't make eye contact with the doctor. Dr. Palodhi continued-

"Listen, Mrs. Kapoor. You all did terrible things in life. You all messed up. It all started with your husband. Don't get me wrong but that happens. Marriage is not the manifestation of love; shit can hit you anytime, just like a wink from a waitress did tricks with him.

Then it was your turn. You had to stop your son from choosing a career that he would have cherished. And the saga continued. Aarmaan is now against love marriage. He is intentionally hurting his sister by not allowing her to marry someone she likes. Wow, now the circle is complete. Isn't it? It won't be long when your daughter will be seating where Aarmaan was seating until today."

Mrs. Kapoor burst into tears. Dr. Palodhi waited patiently and slowly, the crying stopped. 

"But how did it all happen, doc?"-That's what she managed to say after the storm of tears passed.

"That's a long story. I am not going to bore you with medical terms. You must have heard about identity crisis. That's what happened with your son. He was starting to live in a world that didn't exist. He built whole new characters to suit his ideal world. He set his lifestyle and outlook in accordance with the life he thinks he should lead. It ultimately went out of his hand. To him, the reality was a nightmare. He was submerged into a trance. He was happy in his trance. Whenever he woke up from that, he thought he was having a bad dream. To him, reality seemed too harsh to accept. You get that?"

"I get that, doc." -Dr. Palodhi was aware that Aarmaan has entered the room. He wanted him to know about this. That's why he kept having the discussion. Mrs. Kapoor, however, wasn't ready. When she looked back, she saw her son, standing with a sense of familiarity, not some stranger, giving out some alien vibe!